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Sat, May. 12th, 2007, 03:23 pm
Damn guns.

Jeff,
I know you probably didnt think that your death would influence a lot of people when you were thinking about killing yourself. It did. I'm sorry that life was too hard for you. Everyone says that suicide is selfish but then again, aren't most things that we do with our life selfish? I also think that in a way it is selfish to think of suicide as selfish. I'm not really sure what to say. I cried for you, and your family, and all the people from highschool that will miss your wonderful smile and individual characteristics that made you who you were. We weren't that great of friends, but you were really nice to me and I thank you for that. I hope that you are not sad, or angry anymore. RIP.

Love,
Jess Ryan.

Wed, Sep. 27th, 2006, 10:04 pm

I guess yesterday was just a fluke.. the tears started rolling about 2 minutes ago but thats just because i really dont deserve being treated as well as noah treats me and I miss him way too fucking much.

Just breathe.

Tue, Sep. 26th, 2006, 08:13 pm

It's usually kind of a tradition for me to cry my eyes out before my birthday but its not happening this year. I've been doing really well in Oswego and I think its because I'm finally okay with the way things are going. I still procrastinate too much and I should study more than I do. I havent talked to the madre in about a month which is also good because i dont have that negative energy surrounding me with everything that I do. The RD keeps trying to put me with a roommate but somehow i keep getting out of it.

Somehow things have adapted the right way. Although theres alot of things missing and sometimes I wish that I could see Noah more. But like the other day... I finally realized that I'm beautiful and this might sound stupid but its true... ive always known that im kinda pretty but... yeah.

Life's good.



The End.

Sat, Sep. 23rd, 2006, 10:05 am

I've been having really awkward dreams lately. Here's last nights.

My next door neighbors called me and said something about my friends drinking outside. It ended up being all of my friends from home. Then my next door neighbors started to threaten me. I called Noah and luckily he was on his way with Gary, Danielle, King and Nica in a huge RV. Then the next door neighbors tried to come in my room and i couldnt lock the door fast enough. They barged in and I just wasnt strong enough to get them out. Next, I was on the RV and we were in a crazy city and only Noah, King and Gary went exploring.

I think this dream is telling me to go on an RV trip. I wonder how much they cost to rent.

Mon, Sep. 11th, 2006, 07:47 pm

That MF Bitch... she took my chicken.

Sat, Sep. 9th, 2006, 09:43 pm

I don't like being that person that doesnt have money... and therefore cant really hang out with people because of that.

I hate relying on people.

I'm kinda sad tonight.

Fri, Sep. 8th, 2006, 07:11 pm
hmm..

I suppose Oswego isn't that bad. I have no roommate and for the time being I like it that way. I just hope that I don't end up with a shitty one, once the time comes. It does tend to get a little lonely sometimes but usually Emily is around to make me feel a little better. I think its pretty surprising how well Em and I get along. I don't think we've hung out this much, EVER. I like it. Hell, if it wasnt for her I probably wouldnt have met anyone in the building. The crew that we hang out with are pretty fun. I can tell there's a good bond that will develop.

Classes are okay, alot of fucking reading. I always get distracted when I read, im supposed to be doing it right now. Work at the dining hall is okay. My car is still messed up, probably for another month. GAY.

I miss everyone pretty bad. Cobleskill. Home. Noah. Things are changing again and It's weird but im doing a better job this time. I'm learning how to toughen up, i need to, im too much of a wuss.

Oh! I've been writing lyrics. They're good. I think Steve and I are going to collaborate which would be fucking awesome because its always something that I've wanted to do and I think that Steve is patient enough to work with me.

I also wrote a list of 100 things I want to do in my lifetime. I decided I'm going to need alot of money to do that.

BE AWARE.. My 21st birthday. 23 days.

Tue, Sep. 5th, 2006, 01:59 pm

Someone dropped a glass in the dining hall today and a group of guys exclaimed MASELTOV.


Oh, Oswego.

Sun, Aug. 27th, 2006, 09:18 am

So im not really sure when the whole set up of Livejournal changed but its weird. I'm in Oswego and so far things are going okay. I got here two days ago and havent really been out of my room that much. I got a job at a dining hall yesterday which is somehow connected to my building through a tunnel but i havent quite figured that out yet. It's weird having an RA after I was already and RA myself. The only wicked shitty thing is that I still dont have a roommate... maybe she'll be here after I get out of work today. I guess thats about all the rambling I want to do today. Classes start tomorrow.

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006, 05:51 pm
headache

lately ive been nappping for a couple of hours during the day. I end up having these completely extreme dreams about people and things that have never and could never happen but, in the dreams it feels completely plausible.

still no reply from Albany or Oswego and now, I'm starting to get worried about it. I guess whatever happens, happens. I will end up going down whichever road is best for me even if it means giving up some things.

I have a headache.
It hurts.
Help me.
Tylenol.

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